I want to know you. You seem like someone worth knowing.
I love Thought Catalog. On a day when you crave some sort of inspirational article, you open up a Ryan O’Connell. Today THIS pops up and I am getting more out of these words on my way too bright computer screen than a therapy session with Oprah Winfrey.
I love when someone makes you evaluate yourself. So let me lay it on you pal. I may not seem like a people person. Many people might judge me as a stranger even if I pass them everyday, or text them throughout work hours. I do not want anyone to think I am mean, or selfish or unkind. I cry about the most random things, and love people for the strangest of qualities. I think I feel much deeper for others than I do myself. I once, quite pissed might I add, said I would die for everything and everyone except cats and plants. I also chose to walk outside of a room to cough so I would not wake someone from sleep.
I just like to keep things to myself, until I am sure or maybe I do not want to ever be stuck. This reminds me so much of my conversation with one of my bests the other day. She finally looked at me and said, “I knew, but I was only waiting for you to know.” I could be growing, possibly sticking around in a city for more than a year, to a plan, to something. Everything I have ever said has been so cryptic, always leaving me a little escape route to pack up and run. It’s a joke that whenever I go somewhere I make sure I am able to pack up in 30 seconds or less. That shouldn’t be a good thing.
The person who will never understand your jokes or passions turns out to be a stranger forever. You sleep with them, go out to dinners, and even run away to a bed and breakfast on a long weekend, all in hopes that they’ll start to make sense to you one day. But they never do. They just get more and more foreign each day. Experiences don’t always breed intimacy. Sometimes they just make the distance more apparent.
I do not want to keep packing. My indecision and awkward sarcasm leave me as a question mark for people. Yes, I love being mysterious, but not at the point of losing out in life. No one will ever feel secure around me if I do this. I think I may be someone who people want to know, but will I let them? I cannot change who I am, nor do I want a complete makeover of my personality. I would although love to feel a refreshing calm of certainty and maybe, just maybe a tad exposed.
In order for all of this to work though, you have to let me know you. You have to let me cut you open and trust that I won’t accidentally hit a nerve. You have to accept me for my shortcomings and understand that you’re a better person than I am. I’m a little rotten. Please don’t let that deter you though. Because when I look at you, I see someone who makes sense. I see an anomaly — someone who’s untouched by all of the modern inventions and hang ups. I see someone I want to know.
I have a feeling I am in for a thought-provoking night. I wish I could be a bit more like Electric Guest and sit back and not think.
By the way…such a dank song. I’m feeling better already.