10 Lies Disney Told Me // Thought Catalog

by WildChild

1. If You’re Pretty Enough, You Can Communicate With Animals

2. Incredibly Rich, Hot, Popular Guys Are Husband Material

3. Pocahontas Was A Romantic Tale Between Two Consenting, Sexy Adults

Lol she was 12 and he was almost 40 in real life, and she probably didn’t have a whole lot of choice in the matter. Children’s movie material if I ever heard of it. She did have a talking raccoon best friend though, that part is true.

4. Ugly Girls Look Like Anne Hathaway

5. Disobeying Your Parents Can Only Yield Fabulous Results

I remember when Ariel was like, “Betcha on land, they understand, that they don’t reprimand their daughters,” and six-year-old me was like “Hoo child, if only. If only,” and then we smoked a cigarette together and commiserated about getting grounded. But in all seriousness, Disney films have been chock full of zesty young women breaking free from their overbearing parents and running off into the sunset to…get married several weeks later.

6. Captain Jack Sparrow Will Never Get Old

7. Computer-Animated Films Are Going To Be The Greatest Thing Ever

Dammit, Pixar. You made Toy Story, and we were all like, “THIS IS THE FUTURE. WE ARE LOOKING AT THE FUTURE.”

8. Life Was Pretty Sweet For Women At All Moments In History

9. No One Had A Brighter Future Than Lindsay Lohan

10. Everything — Absolutely Everything — Has A Happy Ending